Friday, February 28, 2014

Double Digits

     Numbers have a way of defining me, my moments, my memories, my ups & downs. I am 37, I have been married almost 12 years, worked with my company for 6. We celebrate so many merry moments based on a number.
     With that said, today is a big deal for my daughter, Graci. She is 10 today, double digits. I am so very proud to call her mine. She is witty beyond her years and has the kindest heart and soul. She really is such a gift to our family and I am excited to watch what she will bring to the wonderful world as she grows up. Today is her day for sure, but today is a pretty big deal for me, too!
     Being diagnosed with diabetes before the ability to check my blood sugar accurately (no offense to the fascinating science behind urinating in a cup and dipping a stick in it) and often left my future in question. I didn't know if I would be able to be a mother. Ever. While Eric and I were dating we had honest discussions about our future and difficulties of pregnancy if I were even able to become pregnant and we didn't even know if adoption would be an option. Could you adopt with a label of diabetes? It made me wonder if I was damaged regardless of how much love I had to give. So when I discovered we were pregnant after trying for less than a month I could barely control my elation!
     Pregnancy was difficult more so due to nausea and uncommonly low blood sugars but I made it through 33 weeks and although she was delivered emergency style due to my placenta calcifying, she was a fighter and we were home a week after delivery. I look back on that time now in wonder and joy, as difficult as it was, it truly was miraculous. And today I look at my two healthy daughters and know I am anything but damaged, even with my sidekick of diabetes.
     Numbers define me. I had a 52 at 1AM last night, I woke up at 5:30 AM above 200. I feel guilt and embarrassment and elation and disappointment based on some of the numbers on my meter or DexCom but I know day in and day out, I give it all I've got to give. That also defines me.  Graci is 10 today and from the days back when I wondered if I would ever be a mom to this moment that I look at her and thank God for all those numbers that worked out in my favor I am grateful to have today, just as it is. Happy Birthday, Graci girl!
     You know it wouldn't be a party without a little bit of ribbon and adorable packaging! Odds and ends, just a bunch of little special gifts like a macaroon candle and hair accessories, an Under Armour headband for 5K training this spring, an invite to pedicures with Addi and me. Boxes and cases made out of fun paper and wrapped up with ribbon makes any breakfast place for a 10 year old pretty sweet! Can't wait to see her face when she wakes up!

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